Tough Love Can Kiss MY ASS!!!

Yes Right now I am really mad. Something that really pisses me off is when other black people tell me that I am white. When if you look at me I am clearly black. I hate when people think they have the right to say whether  I am black or not. It is not your right. I AM the one who says whether I am black because it is my identity. Fuck you to all those people who think they have the right to govern such a thing to anyone else.

qUICK UPDATE!!

So yeah did many things this week and last weekend. Last Saturday I wrote a poem. I went to leadership and read it there. I also did some dance. That really sucked cause I ended up hurting myself for the next 3 days I am good now. After leadership I went and saw my mom she was in town. Went and slept over at random people house. Got really lost around the city chased some seagulls. Went to the mall and shopped around. That was Sunday. Got a little lost on the bus. Bought The latest Kresley Cole novel. I haven't read but I am listening to Full Moon Rising from Riley Jensen series. I got a like lost on the bus a bit. Got new shoes and clothes from my mom. I had the first Essay 30-1 English not sure how I did. Life is good I am in a good best mood in my life I swear.

What the fuck "Preacher"

The "Preacher" is praying so fucking loud which I am used to but this 9:49pm at night he was supposed to be in bed almost a hour ago. I don't know I love living with my dad but being surrounded by the praying and the godlyness drives me bonkers. This really is just a stupid rant but hey what can I say. Jav is bored the " Preacher" is way to loud and its kinda annoying. I'm kinda wondering if little E my bro and A are able to sleep. But hey its not my job I am working on not doing my father job and letting him do it himself. Ha that is funny!!!

LOL!!! Javan out!  I'm going to sleep!!!

P.S. "the preacher" My father is quiet now. Night for now.
P.S.S I am watching Intervention. I feel so kindred to these people without the addiction.

I live In a BOX!!!!

I am not even kidding I live in a fucking box. Just fuck I feel so inexperienced in life. I mean I live in the box of school, home, and books that I read.  So times I wish I could of  gone a little wild like everyone else does in their teenage years. I talk to "the preacher"my father says to me " that you need to  study now and have your fun later".  I mean I really want to listen to " the preacher" but there  is a part of me that wants to just be bad. Why cant I just get Wild? Why Cant I get drunk? Why cant I FUCK every things that walks on two legs?    I don't know but  there is apart of me who really wants to do all those things the really illogical part of me. 

I really want to live a bit. You know I just turned 18 a few weeks ago I haven't lost my virginity yet. I am not saying that it is a bad thing or not.  There is apart of me that wants to be "normal" Any way that all I am going to say for now








JAV  out good night!!!

New Saturday!!!

Hello Blogger World!!

Its me again I am not sure if anyone has visited. So today I started this leadership thing KLA. I was so lost trying to find it but I did. I had fun. It was great reconnecting with my fellow black peeps. This is something that I will every Saturday until like April I think. That's from 1 -5pm every Saturday. It has been an ok day. Oh and I now have a friend who works in a sex shop which cool. Hmm? Vibrator?  Maybe but what if my step monster found it then she know that I masturbate. Oh how sqeechy!! I can just imagine her speech. I remeber when she said to me " I am the only one who has sex in this house!" Like I am going to to actually have sex in the preacher man house. Oh and did I mention my fathers a preacher. Yes folks I am the preachers daughter. Me and god are not on the same page right know.

I have been going to counseling lately because of things that happen to me in my childhood. That going ok I have to file some reports but since I just turned  18 they cant force me to file the report. I will but I am not ready to talk about that right now. Right now I am trying to remember exactly why I was going to do other then talking about my day. I started actually writing this blog at like 9pm yesterday and now its 9pm this morning and I am starting to write again. But for now that all I have to say!!!!



Morning yall JAvan out!!!!!

What a Strong Voice can

So basically I was going to flip shit on my step mom today cause I finally get a day where I don't have to go to church. Usually when I don't go to church they leave my 2 younger siblings 2& 6 years of age and she was just goading me. Some times she has a sense of humor which includes getting me angry. Anyway back to the point. My dad all like everyone stop cause this point I am ready to flip out cause my life and my time is based on what my parents need me to do. Can I go to the movies? I think is my dad tired? Is my step mom home things like that?

Anyway I was just thinking that my dad gets this tone in his voice that totally will take me from going to flip to calming down. These reason I actually wrote this blog is cause I think to myself it would be great to have someone to calm me when I need to. Someone that understands when I need a hug vs. when I need a stern voice to snap me out of my almost melt downs. It would be nice if some one would comment. These are things I have been thinking about. Don't get me wrong the last thing I need is man in my life now cause that just might fuck me up more then I need. I need to work on my issues more. ( Oh and forgive if I missing words in between. Bad writing habit)

Night yall  Javan is sleepy

Very First Blog

Two days ago was my 18th Birthday. I have been thinking for a while why no create a blog as Javan. I thought this is just the right time because I am 18 and It's all legal and all that shit. Anyway I know its kinda a crappy first post but hey Its like 7:34 in the morning and know one is awake. I only got one thing for my birthday a camera I l'll  put picture of it up later. That is exactly what I wanted. So I am satified. Going up not well off make you learn to satify with one gift or maybe 40 bucks which is fine with me. I don't know if I will get anything else but I got what I want.